Most dinner parties are tragic affairs where people awkwardly eat tepid pasta while making small talk. But yours won't be, because you're about to learn how to host one that people will actually find memorable.

The Food

Forget everything you've seen on Insta about elaborate tables and seventeen-course tasting menus. That's amateur masquerading as sophistication. The secret to dinner party food is the same as good fashion: ruthlessly edited.

Choose one spectacular main dish that can be prepped ahead and served family-style. My go-to is French-style mussels because they're dramatic yet stupidly simple. The sight of a massive pot of shellfish in white wine sauce makes people think you're a culinary genius, when really you've spent 20 minutes throwing shit in a pot.

Another option is to lean into the low-brow/high-brow tension, contrast really is everything, sometimes. Serve caviar or foigras with potato chips and watch people loose their minds. Make fancy grilled cheese with truffle. iIt shows you know the rules well enough to break them with style.

Drink Curation

Your bar setup is where you demonstrate cultural literacy. Skip the basic vodka sodas garbage, you're not in college anymore. Instead, create a drink selection that could double as social commentary:

• Natural wines (watch the trad wine snobs squirm)

• Japanese whisky (for the travelled connoisseurs)

• Mezcal (for everyone to have a chance to talk about they're trip to Oaxaca)

• At least one outrageous bottled cocktail (just for novelty)

Let people mix their own drinks. You're hosting a dinner party, not running a bar here..

When Small Talk Needs to Die

Keep these in your back pocket for when someone starts talking about their CrossFit routine:

"So, did Saltburn actually have anything to say, or was it just Barry Keoghan's dick flapping through a mansion for shock value?"

"Is Beyoncé's cowboy era cultural appropriation, or are we finally admitting that genre is dead?"

"Who's brave enough to admit they don't get HBO's Indusrty but watched it anyway?"

Table Setting

Let's get technical for a minute, because nothing screams nouveau riche like putting the salad fork on the wrong side:

The Basic Setup (Left to Right)

• Salad fork, dinner fork (left side)

• Dinner plate

• Knife (blade facing plate), soup spoon (right side)

• Water glass (above knife tip)

• Wine glass (to right of water glass)

But you're not basic, right? so…

Once you know the rules, here's how to subvert them:

• Mix vintage silverware with modern plates

• Use unconventional objects as place card holders (I once used small art catalogs)

• Abandon matched sets for curated chaos

• Place settings don't have to be identical (that's so 2019)

The Aux Cord

Let's get serious about music because your Spotify Wrapped shouldn't be Taylor Swift and Drake:

Arrival (7-8 PM)

• Classic Cool: David Bowie, Roxy Music

• Modern Edge: Joji, Steve Lacy

• Wild Card: Arca's experimental pieces

Dinner Service (8-10 PM)

• Old School: Miles Davis, John Coltrane, Art Blakey

• New School: GoGo Penguin, Nala Sinephro

• Left Field: Floating Points' orchestral works

The Transition (10 PM-12 AM)

• Classic Groove: Prince, Talking Heads

• Current Vibe: Fred Again.., Rüfüs Du Sol

• Underground: Jamie xx, Yaeji

Late Night (12 AM+)

• Traditional Bangers: Daft Punk, Chemical Brothers, Justice, Kavinsky

• Modern Heat: Peggy Gou, Four Tet

• Future Classics: Jlin, Arca

Pro Tip: Create separate playlists for each phase and have them ready.

Late, late Night (2 AM+)

If you're still going, dive into the weird stuff:

• Classic Weird: Aphex Twin

• New Weird: SOPHIE, Against All Logic

• Weird Weird: Death Grips (only if you're absolutely sure about your crowd)

Space Curation

Your space needs to work for the occasion. Create distinct zones:

The Table

Keep it editorial:

• Matte black plates (they make everything look better)

• Simple linens (wrinkled is fine, it's called texture)

• Strategic candle placement (especially if the regular lights at your place are white, which begs the question, why?)

The Migration Space

After dinner, people need somewhere to move that feels intentional, not like they're being exiled from the table. Create a couple of vignettes with:

• Low seating

• Good light

• Easy access to drinks and snacks

• Propper music volume

Timeline: Choreographing the Evening

Pre-Show (T-minus 2 hours)

• Final food prep

• Ice (double what you think you need)

• Lighting check (overhead lights are your enemy)

• Quick outfit change (you should look effortless but considered)

The Performance

• Let dinner flow naturally

• Clear plates decisively

• Guide the migration to other spaces

• Introduce the late-night menu when the moment feels right

The After Party

If it's going well:

• Escalate the music

• Break out the interesting bottles you've been hiding

• Accept that tomorrow will hurt

If it needs to end:

• Brian Eno, Air, Sunn O))), are your secret weapons, people will be out of your house in no time.

• Start putting away bottles (slowly)

• Call someone's car if needed

• Turn on your normal lights.

Emergency Protocols

Keep these in your back pocket:

• A bottle of exceptional natural wine for when the true wine snob starts pontificating

• A backup playlist of universally accepted bangers (LCD Soundsystem never fails)

• A secret stash of party favors, IYKYK.

• A prepared answer for when someone asks about your thoughts on Israel/Palestine conflict, you don't want to get canceled in your own house right?

At some point, someone will bring up crypto art (yes, its back apparently) or cry about their ex. Both are opportunities for the party to either transcend or descend. Your job is to guide that energy.

The Aftermath

You'll wake up to lipstick on glasses, possibly a stranger's jacket on your chair, and definitely some wine (best case) stains that tell stories you only half remember.

But if you've done it right, your phone will be full of messages asking about the next one.

Remember: A truly unforgettable dinner party walks the line between careful curation and controlled chaos. You're creating an experience.

Now go forth and show everyone how it's done.

Essential Recipes

French-Style Mussels (Serves 8)

Ingredients:

• 4 lbs fresh mussels, cleaned

• 1/4 cup olive oil

• 6 shallots, finely chopped

• 6 cloves garlic, minced

• 2 cups dry white wine

• 1 cup heavy cream

• 1 cup fresh parsley, chopped

• 4 tbsp unsalted butter

• Zest and juice of 1 lemon

• Salt and pepper

• 2 baguettes, sliced and toasted

Instructions:

1. Clean mussels, discard any that won't close when tapped

2. Sauté shallots and garlic in olive oil until soft

3. Add wine, bring to simmer, add mussels

4. Cover and cook 5-7 minutes until mussels open

5. Remove mussels, add cream, butter, lemon, and parsley to broth

6. Pour sauce over mussels and serve with bread

The 2 AM Carajillo (Serves 8)

Ingredients:

• 8 shots Licor 43

• 4 cups freshly brewed espresso

• Ice cubes

• Orange zest for garnish

Instructions:

1. Brew espresso ahead of time

2. In each glass, combine 1 shot Licor 43 with 1/2 cup espresso

3. Add ice and stir

4. Garnish with orange zest if you still have the motor skills